Family of Origin

Early Childhood Experiences

Our early childhood experiences shape who we become in adulthood. I’ll never become my parents… I keep pushing it away—the toxicity, the lack of boundaries, the differences in values, the lack of praise or affection—yet it still has an impact. I made a life for myself… there is no contact with family or only for major holidays. However, every time the memories come up, anger and the pain build up and feels the same as in childhood. The loneliness and isolation rises and the feelings of being unloved intensify. The thoughts are pushed away—yet they keep coming up, all the pain, disappointment, and disbelief.

Cultural Expectations

It’s not easy to free oneself from our family of origins. My culture expects me to always be there for my family —financially, physically or emotionally. There is an expectation to care for the aging parents, or be responsible for the younger siblings….even if they are adults themselves. I don’t want too…but I feel like I don’t have a choice. No one from outside my culture gets it. I want to live my life that I have worked so hard to create, yet I get sucked back into the toxic patterns of my family of origin and I can’t fully escape.

New Family

The feelings keep surfacing….helpless, discouraged, anxious, depressed and restless. What is the point of attempting to create your own life or find your life partner? Family always robs the life I want. I have a partner…. and children, yet it still doesn’t feel like my own life. My family of origin dictates life and there are no decisions to make. This creates tension and stress with my partner… and at times, it feels like a choice needs to be made— partner or family of origin. This is not fair.

Healthy Boundaries

If you are ready to end this agony, and want to heal and protect yourself, contact me to find out how therapy can help you set healthy boundaries, protect yourself, and still be part of your family of origin in a way that you stay true to who you are.